Element #30 - Rae K.

Hello, hello! Can you believe #NationalAdoptionAwarenessMonth is already coming to an end? While we transition into a new month, specifically the holiday season, we still must keep in mind that the work for adoption advocacy cannot end! We plan to keep up with our #ElementsofAdoption series because it truly highlights the different perspectives on how adoption impacts individuals. One other thing to note, WE HAVE AN OFFICIAL DONATION PAGE!!! Our official Gofundme campaign through Hack+ has been set up and is now officially active! Your donation allows us to continue our work and continue future projects overseas! Thanks for all you do to support Made of Love Not Genes! Now, for the main purpose of this post, we are super excited to welcome Rae K. as she shares her adoption story. She is so strong and her work now assists adoptees through recovery! Enjoy!!

Rae K. - she/her(s) - Adoptee

Instagram - @adoptee_reclaimed

Special date: August 29 - the day I met my biological family for the first time

Who are you and what do you do?

Hello! I'm Rae, a domestic adoptee adopted out of the foster care system at age 3. I work as a recovery coach for individuals recovering from the effects of addiction, adoption and abuse. Together with my clients I help them understand their adoption story, develop skills needed for relationships and reunions and explore their adoption experience to develop their identity more authentically. I work with adoptees who are just coming out of the fog and adoptees who have been exploring their adoption journey for years and seeing my client's discover themselves gives me something to wake up for every day.

How are you impacted by adoption?

My entire identity has been stripped from me multiple times, both as a child growing up in my adoptive home, as a young adult facing spiritual abuse and abandoning my religion, and just this last year, meeting my biological family for the first time.

What is the biggest challenge you faced related to adoption?

I struggle a lot with the hypervigilance and tendency to pursue unhealthy patterns and lifestyles because of adoption trauma. I especially have a hard time feeling comfortable and confident with stability in careers, hobbies and relationships.

What do you wish people knew about adoption?

I wish people knew that adoption leaves complex scars and takes more than just love and therapy. I wish people knew that recovery coaches like myself exist to help you tell your story and develop skills to enter recovery after leaving the adoption fog.

What have you done to support the adoption community?

On my Instagram I provide extensive trauma-informed content, and adoptee-focused mental health Mondays every Monday. I also host adoptee interviews on a range of important subjects from parenting as an adoptee to overcoming people pleasing. Of course, my biggest contribution to the adoptee community is as a recovery coach, working one-on-one with adoptees, and sometimes biological parents, to help them walk their adoption journey.

How has your opinion about adoption changed as you got older?

I think I see adoption as vastly complex and unique for everyone. Talking to fellow adoptees makes it clear that adoption leaves incredibly complicated wounds that drain people's resources and self worth in so many ways. It isn't straightforward. It takes more than just listening to an adoptee's story to help an adoptee heal and come into themselves.

What has helped/supported you through learning your adoption story?

Fellow domestic adoptees who share their experience online, lots of therapy, and adoption books.

What is your favorite quote/lesson you learned?

"As an Adoptee, you have already survived the greatest loss and the greatest unknown. Adoptees can do anything they set their minds to. "

Tell us a wacky fact about yourself no one else would expect!

I was engaged once! I broke it off halfway through wedding planning. After escaping that relationship I really started to come out of the adoptee fog for the first time. (That's part of my adoption story and journey to being a recovery coach actually)

Tell us anything else you want people to know.

For adoptees seeking coaching and support, I encourage you to visit my website at raekrecoverycoach.com. Preliminary meet-and-greets are always free!

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